Feeling Blue

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Drac
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Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)

Feeling Blue

Post by Drac »

I had a very bad bout of depression in 2002 and one of my releases was to write poems and songs saying how I felt. I still get bad periods and still do the same but not written poetry for years, most of my frustration is released through painting and music nowadays.

Hope you don't mind me sharing these dark poems with you - maybe you can understand how low you can get, maybe some of you have also been there and could find a release in a similar way......here goes

DEATH OF BEAUTY
(Elegy 2002)

Oh how grey the buildings seem
Have no character, lack esteem
So dark, so bleak and oh so bare
Whoever decided to put them there

Placed where once green fields stood
Steeped in beauty, the memories flood
Imagining the happiness they once held
But alas, no more, the death throes knelled

Walking herein is no longer bliss
Those forests and trees I sorely miss
No matter how tight my eyes, I shut
Of concrete floors and walls, a glut

Oh visions of where Id like to be
Of coastal meadows, grass waves like sea
The gentle Breeze, the wondrous smell
Of countryside, no concrete hell

And so I can only stay inside
The beauty of the world, I hide
I’m shut away, unable to expound
A prisoner in this concrete land

The above was written as I stared out of the window and just saw ugly local authority (council) houses and I felt trapped

---------------------------------------------------

Looking too Hard

Why is it that we seek so hard
For something that is staring us in the face
Searching, lonely, day by day
When all the time just around the corner
There is a someone who likes your face

But because he or she is always there
You just dismiss them and walk on by
And then you get so lonely again
Find a corner in which to cry
Just open your eyes and look, not too far

A million miles away
You will never find what you are looking for
Don't walk so fast but look and stare
And then you too might see what's there
Just take more time to look but please take care.

-------------------------------------------------------

Enjoy each day

Another day, so cold and grey
But all the same, it's another day
One to enjoy and one to rejoice
Just not the weather I'd like from choice

-----------------------------------------------------

PAIN

Knife through the heart
Stabbed in the back
Life strangled from you
Hang by the neck
Wrists bleed forever
Drowning in sorrow
For me there won’t be
Another tomorrow

---------------------------------

345AM

Oh what an hour
To be talking to me
No one else here
To talk with you see
Three forty five
And all is so still
But my mind works so hard
It’s on overkill
And all of this pain
It won’t go away
I live here in hell
God,
Here comes another day
Can I survive
Another twenty four hours
I simply don’t know
Don’t send me flowers
Cos when I am gone
No one will care
As my headstone reads
"Life’s so unfair"

-------------------------------

and finally a song written under the blackness of depression

FOOTSTEPS OF HEAVEN

I had a miserable life
Never had many friends
But one thing I thank God for
Always had my sense
See people in this world
Every single day
They don’t have a clue
Go on the same old way

Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
Its better than being alive

People ignored me all of my life
As if I wasn’t there
Once in a while it would’ve been nice
To stop or even stare
I’ve had enough, it had to end
But how was I to go
Until a voice came into my head and said
When it’s time you’ll know

Then one day when I was low
At my bottom edge
Found myself high up, looking down
Stood on a window ledge
Fifteen stories in the sky
Like i was almost there
One foot on the nearest cloud
The other on heavens stair

Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
It’s better than being alive
steve70

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by steve70 »

Good work Drac....its a horrible lonely place to be, i take my hat off to ya
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rf ro
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Re: Feeling Blue

Post by rf ro »

cheer up m8 tomorrows another day as they say never really been one for depression (yet) hope things improve for you should of gone to glastonbury with ems and let your hair down (mind you a bit muddy atm )
you can't make an omelette without breaking BREAKING eggs
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b00geyman
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Re: Feeling Blue

Post by b00geyman »

Yep, been there, read the book, got the T shirt and seen the film. I too dabble in the land of prose. Some dark, some noir, some Lurve, some fun, here is a couple to maybe lift the spirits.

Apologies to Macgonigal
> Can I compare thee to a summer day ?
> Of course I canny I'm frae Scoatland,
> D' ye want to be aw drookit
> cos it rains and hails and snaws
> Four seasons in a day,, sounds pish
> unless you're moody and in a tizz
> OH and kin that include the sun,
> Get tae f***, yer makin' fun
> Wur still livin in auld scotia
> whaur its knawn as cauld no hotia
> So what would MacShakespear say,
> In his comparsion to a summer day,
> Hark, what quacketh over yonder,
> its my sweet, my darling, I ponder,
> " Shut yer face, ya stupid nyaff"
> "its nae wonder fowk think yer daft"
> "Noo get in here, and hae yer tea"
> Or in yer baws ye'll hae ma knee"
> When I think uhve mair to say
> its whin uh fund no I huvny.

Death of a Volvo
'twas with bowed head she stood stock still
as ovlov's passing passed her by,
respectful silence, at least a shake,
to mourn the poor old cars ill fate.
A tear did form in saddened eye,
the heart it beat one less, forbye,
to herald the machine into the sky
past the celestial scrapyard heaven gates
where old cars go and sit and wait
to reincarnate as shiny tin cans
and not to forget the pots and pans
So do not send out your condolence
just because she's obsolescent
but remember instead, the memories fair
you sat inside, her leathered chairs
So don't be sad, she had to go
she was only a car.. that you know !!!

One day at a time, mate.
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rodge
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Location: Wigan

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by rodge »

Drac,

Firstly, if your painting is anywhere near as good as your poetic license, then I would like to see some of them too.

I'm not one for poetry usually, but I really like the first one in your post. It's just a shame you had to be in such a dark place to write such a thing.

I dont get depressed and I am sure I dont fully understand it, but when I'm feeling low or sad, a blast on the RF usually cheers me up.

Dave,
Four wheels move your body, two wheels move your soul.
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Drac
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Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by Drac »

rf ro wrote:cheer up m8 tomorrows another day as they say never really been one for depression (yet) hope things improve for you should of gone to glastonbury with ems and let your hair down (mind you a bit muddy atm )
Read again ro - that was 2002!! as for Glastonbury, as I have said many a time here, my camping days are over let alone wet. Oh and I can assure you "cheer up mate" or "pull yourself together" doesn't help one bit. You are lucky, hope you never go there.
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Drac
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Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by Drac »

rodge wrote:Drac,

Firstly, if your painting is anywhere near as good as your poetic license, then I would like to see some of them to0.Dave,
They have been in my hobbies listing for ages Dave http://www.rfownersclub.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=150
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rodge
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Location: Wigan

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by rodge »

Drac wrote:They have been in my hobbis listing for ages Dave http://www.rfownersclub.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=150
Silly me. I think I had already seen that thread. I may not have depression, but memory loss might be on the cards for me.

Dave,
Four wheels move your body, two wheels move your soul.
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westonadam
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Location: weston super mare

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by westonadam »

how right you are drac when my brother died suddenly much the same pulled me through the tough times, that and my wonderful wife.
polar2

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by polar2 »

Thanks for sharing your words Drac. :ymhug:

I suffer from Bipolar II (hence the username and erratic posting :ymblushing: ) and swing from deep depressions to hypermania frequently so can relate to how you must have felt writing them.

They will be printed out and read during those dark times to remind me I don't suffer alone.
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Drac
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Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by Drac »

I envy those who never suffer wioth this but as you say Polar, knowing you are not the only one certainly helps. Oh and Adam, love is also a part of ciming through as you say, here is one after I pulled through and thanking the one closest to me, Emerald. However, without knowing the dark side, the love side would be a bit wishy washy to many non sufferers


Through The Darkness


Written to my wife and friends who were there when they were needed most in the darkest days of my depression


Though the darkness in my life seems to take command

There is a light that I can see, its somewhere near the end

Of this darkness, the black that is what I most fear

All I can say is that one day, I will find you waiting there

Just wait a while longer for me to come your way

And when I do, you know the very words that I will say

My friend, thank you for helping me fight my way through

This maze of darkness, to the light and to my love, which is you

It wont be long now, I feel a breaking of this gloom

Is on the horizon, ready to rise like a new moon

Then all the sunshine will pour it's warmth right through

And you will feel the strength of the love I have for you

So stretch out your arms, your hands and call my name

And when I see you, I promise to do the same

The dark is getting brighter, the sickness on the mend

Be waiting for me, I will meet you in the end.
bigtom
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Location: wigan

Re: Feeling Blue

Post by bigtom »

i can sense your joy of life now and your memory of the darkness as i too have sensed the hurt of loss.as you say the answears are closer than you know as grief blinded me for a while.i think i am a better person as i hope you do too mate,despair can lead to joy if you look at your family. :-bd :-bd \m/ \m/
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