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 Post subject: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:33 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:36 pm
Posts: 9300
Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)
I had a very bad bout of depression in 2002 and one of my releases was to write poems and songs saying how I felt. I still get bad periods and still do the same but not written poetry for years, most of my frustration is released through painting and music nowadays.

Hope you don't mind me sharing these dark poems with you - maybe you can understand how low you can get, maybe some of you have also been there and could find a release in a similar way......here goes

DEATH OF BEAUTY
(Elegy 2002)

Oh how grey the buildings seem
Have no character, lack esteem
So dark, so bleak and oh so bare
Whoever decided to put them there

Placed where once green fields stood
Steeped in beauty, the memories flood
Imagining the happiness they once held
But alas, no more, the death throes knelled

Walking herein is no longer bliss
Those forests and trees I sorely miss
No matter how tight my eyes, I shut
Of concrete floors and walls, a glut

Oh visions of where Id like to be
Of coastal meadows, grass waves like sea
The gentle Breeze, the wondrous smell
Of countryside, no concrete hell

And so I can only stay inside
The beauty of the world, I hide
I’m shut away, unable to expound
A prisoner in this concrete land

The above was written as I stared out of the window and just saw ugly local authority (council) houses and I felt trapped

---------------------------------------------------

Looking too Hard

Why is it that we seek so hard
For something that is staring us in the face
Searching, lonely, day by day
When all the time just around the corner
There is a someone who likes your face

But because he or she is always there
You just dismiss them and walk on by
And then you get so lonely again
Find a corner in which to cry
Just open your eyes and look, not too far

A million miles away
You will never find what you are looking for
Don't walk so fast but look and stare
And then you too might see what's there
Just take more time to look but please take care.

-------------------------------------------------------

Enjoy each day

Another day, so cold and grey
But all the same, it's another day
One to enjoy and one to rejoice
Just not the weather I'd like from choice

-----------------------------------------------------

PAIN

Knife through the heart
Stabbed in the back
Life strangled from you
Hang by the neck
Wrists bleed forever
Drowning in sorrow
For me there won’t be
Another tomorrow

---------------------------------

345AM

Oh what an hour
To be talking to me
No one else here
To talk with you see
Three forty five
And all is so still
But my mind works so hard
It’s on overkill
And all of this pain
It won’t go away
I live here in hell
God,
Here comes another day
Can I survive
Another twenty four hours
I simply don’t know
Don’t send me flowers
Cos when I am gone
No one will care
As my headstone reads
"Life’s so unfair"

-------------------------------

and finally a song written under the blackness of depression

FOOTSTEPS OF HEAVEN

I had a miserable life
Never had many friends
But one thing I thank God for
Always had my sense
See people in this world
Every single day
They don’t have a clue
Go on the same old way

Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
Its better than being alive

People ignored me all of my life
As if I wasn’t there
Once in a while it would’ve been nice
To stop or even stare
I’ve had enough, it had to end
But how was I to go
Until a voice came into my head and said
When it’s time you’ll know

Then one day when I was low
At my bottom edge
Found myself high up, looking down
Stood on a window ledge
Fifteen stories in the sky
Like i was almost there
One foot on the nearest cloud
The other on heavens stair

Walking in the footsteps of heaven
Waiting for my soul to arrive
All my sins are forgiven
It’s better than being alive

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:59 am 
Good work Drac....its a horrible lonely place to be, i take my hat off to ya


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:24 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:36 pm
Posts: 7963
Location: basingstoke hampshire 3. 1/2 x rf900
cheer up m8 tomorrows another day as they say never really been one for depression (yet) hope things improve for you should of gone to glastonbury with ems and let your hair down (mind you a bit muddy atm )

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:55 am 
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Joined: Wed May 04, 2011 4:26 pm
Posts: 1658
Location: East Weymss, Fife, Scotland, Third rock from the Sun, The Milky Way, The Universe...
Yep, been there, read the book, got the T shirt and seen the film. I too dabble in the land of prose. Some dark, some noir, some Lurve, some fun, here is a couple to maybe lift the spirits.

Apologies to Macgonigal
> Can I compare thee to a summer day ?
> Of course I canny I'm frae Scoatland,
> D' ye want to be aw drookit
> cos it rains and hails and snaws
> Four seasons in a day,, sounds pish
> unless you're moody and in a tizz
> OH and kin that include the sun,
> Get tae f***, yer makin' fun
> Wur still livin in auld scotia
> whaur its knawn as cauld no hotia
> So what would MacShakespear say,
> In his comparsion to a summer day,
> Hark, what quacketh over yonder,
> its my sweet, my darling, I ponder,
> " Shut yer face, ya stupid nyaff"
> "its nae wonder fowk think yer daft"
> "Noo get in here, and hae yer tea"
> Or in yer baws ye'll hae ma knee"
> When I think uhve mair to say
> its whin uh fund no I huvny.

Death of a Volvo
'twas with bowed head she stood stock still
as ovlov's passing passed her by,
respectful silence, at least a shake,
to mourn the poor old cars ill fate.
A tear did form in saddened eye,
the heart it beat one less, forbye,
to herald the machine into the sky
past the celestial scrapyard heaven gates
where old cars go and sit and wait
to reincarnate as shiny tin cans
and not to forget the pots and pans
So do not send out your condolence
just because she's obsolescent
but remember instead, the memories fair
you sat inside, her leathered chairs
So don't be sad, she had to go
she was only a car.. that you know !!!

One day at a time, mate.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:14 pm
Posts: 3520
Location: Wigan
Drac,

Firstly, if your painting is anywhere near as good as your poetic license, then I would like to see some of them too.

I'm not one for poetry usually, but I really like the first one in your post. It's just a shame you had to be in such a dark place to write such a thing.

I dont get depressed and I am sure I dont fully understand it, but when I'm feeling low or sad, a blast on the RF usually cheers me up.

Dave,

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2009 2:36 pm
Posts: 9300
Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)
rf ro wrote:
cheer up m8 tomorrows another day as they say never really been one for depression (yet) hope things improve for you should of gone to glastonbury with ems and let your hair down (mind you a bit muddy atm )

Read again ro - that was 2002!! as for Glastonbury, as I have said many a time here, my camping days are over let alone wet. Oh and I can assure you "cheer up mate" or "pull yourself together" doesn't help one bit. You are lucky, hope you never go there.

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:50 am 
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Location: South Gloucestershire (5m to Bristol & 13m to Bath)
rodge wrote:
Drac,

Firstly, if your painting is anywhere near as good as your poetic license, then I would like to see some of them to0.Dave,

They have been in my hobbies listing for ages Dave viewtopic.php?f=10&t=150

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:58 am 
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Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:14 pm
Posts: 3520
Location: Wigan
Drac wrote:
They have been in my hobbis listing for ages Dave http://www.rfownersclub.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=150


Silly me. I think I had already seen that thread. I may not have depression, but memory loss might be on the cards for me.

Dave,

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 12:54 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 20, 2011 11:10 am
Posts: 332
Location: weston super mare
how right you are drac when my brother died suddenly much the same pulled me through the tough times, that and my wonderful wife.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Blue
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:10 pm 
Thanks for sharing your words Drac. :ymhug:

I suffer from Bipolar II (hence the username and erratic posting :ymblushing: ) and swing from deep depressions to hypermania frequently so can relate to how you must have felt writing them.

They will be printed out and read during those dark times to remind me I don't suffer alone.


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